The Year 2011: part uno

Before I start my little summary (i've decided to add ONE status from facebook and picture that corresponds to that month) all i have to say is "shut the front door! it's over already?! gosh dang it."
I remember EXACTLY what i was doing January 1, 2011. My, my, time flies...
Anywho, let's begin shall we?

January:
Emily's birthday. Ha, stolen rice and netflix movies. Yeah, let's not get into that story.
There was also some nasty wine that i had during that month. I think i'd rather shoot the whiskey. (;

dear 2011,
please be prepared to be a heck of a lot more amazing than 2010.
sincerely, aubrey.

 It's really not a lot of food if you ask me.
Hey, don't be hating. A girl needs her fries and soda. 

February:

Ah, fun youth group memories. (:
Oh! and the anniversary of me and my EX boyfriend's one year. Sad? Nah, not really. (I know, I know. I'mma beee-otch)
Let's see, what else....hm, well, i remember getting first place in a guard competition. That was fun right? Yeah, sure.
And that's about it. February was a dull month honestly.

"I love storms, congested hallways, screaming freshman and sudden death. It just makes my day. *sarcasm intended*"

 Je t'aime mon cheri

March:
Oooooohhhhh, march. Lovely, lovely march. The month I broke up with my first boyfriend. Quite an experience i must say.
And the month that i can honestly say i had feeling for someone else. Well, make that TWO other people. Don't give me that look. We've all been there.
Still lots of winter guard during that month. :P
Oh and prom drama was starting. Ew, gross. -.-

"you and i walk a fragile line and i never thought i'd live to see it break..."

 Guard is seriously my life. Call me crazy, but i have no idea what i would do without it.

April:

Oh lord, prom. Gosh, i don't even want to think about that dreaded time. Okay, okay, it wasn't that bad but it's definitely a time i wish i could go and re-do. Oh well, i can never regret something i once really wanted at one time.

The tornado; that was a really scary time not only for me, but for just about everyone in Cleveland. I remember hanging out in my basement for the longest time and then coming out to see a disaster field. I kinda had felt like i was in the middle of one of those action movies. 

School clean up day. My connections group went to freaking Deer Park. Gay? Yeah, i know. We shoveled wood chips for at least two hours...in the rain. Yay us? Oh well, i'm not gonna lie and say that I didn't have fun. It was some definite bonding time for me and my "classmates"

SAPA Winter Guard Championships. THAT was a fun trip even though we came in fourth. In my opinion we didn't even deserve fourth but it was a very emotional time for some people. (;

LOTS of boy drama too. I don't even wanna mention the name. -.- Let's just say i'm glad it's over and done with.

"i have never been more thankful for electricity in my entire life. this tornado has really helped me see the other side of reality..."

 hey now, you gotta admit, we're the coolest band kids ever. (;

Life is Finally Here

Fall semester is coming to a close...
I graduate in less than 5 months...
I'm scared...
Don't know what I'm doing..
But yet, I sit here day after day after day and try and try to convince myself that I've got this whole "life" thing figured out.

You know, that whole story you tell yourself: I'll graduate high school, get a job, get accepted to a college or university, graduate again, get a better job, make boat-loads of money, get married, then die happily with at least four grandchildren. But you know, myself making my own plans never turn out the way I want.

Yes, I'll admit it. I've strayed too far from God than I planned...
Why? I thought I had everything figured out. I bottled up all my problems, pain, confusion, fear and so on, just to find out that later that in the most inconvenient time, it would just explode everywhere and not just effect me but the people I care most about. Getting caught up in the waves of society can be a dangerous thing especially when you don't have anything to lean on.

The reality of me becoming an adult in less than a year is quite frightening. I like to look back to when I was 13 and 14 and remember when I use to fantasize about leaving and having my own life. But now that that time is finally here, I wish more than anything I could still be that care-free 13 year old with no problems except for the occasional pimple or boy drama. I know that I was only a freshman four years ago but I can totally see how naive and  ignorant I really was.

I guess the hardest thing to comprehend is the fact that I'll more than likely loss more than two-thirds of the people I grew up with...
But, that is where God comes in. However, I'm not gonna beat around the bush or sugar-coat anything - us girls like to talk...alot. Yes, God listens and talks....but, it's just hard to comprehend...
I like someone to be there with me and to give me an occasional hug and stuff. I love those midnight conversations...God is great for a listener but it's hard to have a full-on conversation...
Guess I'll have to work on that...

Tell Me Why.

What. The. Hell?
I mean seriously man, what is going on? You don't have the decency to just TELL me what you're feeling? I thought you were supposed to be a man? Not my eight year old brother who pitches a fit and sits in a corner for the rest of the day.
But you know, two can play at this game. You go and sit in your corner and be a loner and I'll go sit in my box that magically gets bigger on the inside. Yeah, try and beat that loser.
I'm sick and tired of this game. Either you're all in or you sit out...for the rest of the game a.k.a my LIFE. There is no cheating allowed because if you do, i will find out and i will chop your testicles off before you can say "hey now."

Now, this all may be my fault. Maybe i am too nice to you..i don't know. But i can say that i am getting tired of this routine...very fast.
Everytime you want to fall, apparently something gets in your way. But you know what, that's the risk you take when you want to love someone. Yes, there will always be obstacles but that is what makes the ride unforgettable...
I won't lie and say that I haven't had my doubts either but you know what? Sometimes it's smarter to not listen to the logic going through your head. Your heart has a say as well.
Don't toss your heart to the side like garbage, he's smart too you know. Sometimes he know's whats best for you...but only sometimes.

So, in the end, your conclusion is either you do what you know you want, or you come up with all the reasons you shouldn't do what you want. And honestly, what reason's are there? Except the fact of knowing that there might be possible heartbreak...
But that's the risk you take when you love someone...
And if you love that person...how big is the chance of having heartbreak?
Pretty slim dontcha think?

Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum

So, Emily got me started on this...
Friends are the MOST important thing in my life. More important than music, my camera, even my grades.
*INTERMISSION* (this allows all people to gasp in horror for as long as they want)


Anyways, now that that's out of the way...
Ahem, as I was saying, friends are so important to me. Like seriously.
But my BEST friends...well, they are more like a brother or sister to me. I'd seriously take a bullet for them. I sometimes get way to overprotective, but hey, mess with my girl/boy, I'll mess with your face. Haha...but no, seriously.
So, listed below are my BEST friends. The ones that I could trust my life with. Now, if you get me to trust you with my life, congratulations, you've accomplished something that is very hard to do. (;
(Granted, I do have alot of friends, but only a selective few who i'd call my best...)
(And also, friends come and go...I had some friends, you know, that I would have called my best....but times change and people change...can't hate Mother Nature for that.)

Brittany 
Gosh, I remember the first time her and I met; i hated her. Loathed her.
I don't really know why to be honest, I guess it was the fact that she was in guard and I wasn't...Hmm, who really knows.
All I know is that one year, for a youth trip, we were forced to room together and I can tell you what, I'm so happy we were.
We got a lot closer during guard; after I joined sophomore year. I could and still can tell her just about everything. (:
I miss her so much but with technology nowadays, we video chat as much as possible. (:
Despite her being away at college she's still my bestfriend.
Miss you baby girl.

Emily
Gosh, the way we met was weird to be honest.
After working out in an aerobics room all hot and sweaty. Yeah, totally the best start of a friendship ever.
Well, I remember when my coach first started talking about her. She sounded pretty cool. Someone that I might like.
And turns out, she was. (:
I thought she was really really quiet. HA, WRRROOONNNGGG.
However, my thoughts about her being super smart weren't wrong. Who makes a 35 on the ACT the first time after going to a party the NIGHT BEFORE?!?!?! Who does that? Sheesh.
So, the bottom line is that she is pretty amazing.
Not gonna lie.
I Love You to the moon and back....3 times.

Andrea
So, she's a super science genius. Like mad scientist genius. No lie.
However, she is pretty amazing. I love her.
She always listens. Never interrupts.
Probably the best listener I know and that's why I love her.
Granted, we weren't very close till this year, senior year but it's not the years that make someone a best friend.
There isn't a thing Andrea probably doesn't know about my school drama. She's just so good at handling it.
We are attached at the hip. All. The. Time.
I Love You! (:

On That Note

First off, let me say that I cannot stand complaining; like me myself complaining about my life. I know that no one cares. I mean, people say that they care but in reality it’s every man for himself.
However, a person is a person so they have to vent somehow or else it’ll all just boil over.
I used to just boil over all the time. I never talked and still don’t talk about my feelings to other people. Why? No. One. Cares.
I had to find that out the hard way.
The Hard Way: - Letting your guard down to someone who you think you can trust; ending up trusting them with your life; they throw your life away in the garbage like an empty soda bottle; the reason you can’t trust anyone anymore.
So yeah, the hard way.
But, anyways, my blog is the only place I can vent. So what if no one reads it. It wasn’t really made for the general public anyways. It was made for me and my feelings so get over it.

Boys:
Yeah, girls talk about boys. No, it does not mean we are whores, sluts, pussies, complainers, fickle, emotional, or any of that other shit boys stereotype us as. We just talk about that stupid gender all the time because they. are. so. friggin'. annoying.
And you know why? Because they can take our hearts and emotions and mold them, crush them, stomp on them, spit on them, steal them, or even by some Godly miracle, cherish them.
Being a senior in high school, I've come a long way and have learned a lot about the teenage boy.
Teenage boy: (n.) A bundle of sex hormones poorly disguised as a human being; does moronic immature actions with hormones so thick in their blood you can practically smell them and oblivious to the world around him; perverts obsessed with video games, sex, and beef jerky.....yeah, you get the point.
Anyways, the bottom line is that even though they are all of those things mentioned above, us girls wear our hearts on our sleeves and walk around with a neon sign flashing, "FREE TO ANY HOT, CUTE AND FUNNY GUYS."
Granted, you do have those certain girls who don't do that. But nevertheless, they are still swooned by the stupid creature called Boy.
Now, me personally, hell yeah I like a guy. Not a whole lot mind you, but I like him. I'd love for him to ask me out. But a girl can dream.
Also, let me make it known to all the girls out there reading this, YOU. CAN. NOT. OWN. A. GUY! You cannot call dibs on a human being.
Unless, your relationship with him is facebook official. But I also understand that if a girl has liked a guy AND has been talking to him for a long time gets mad at another girl for flirting with her guy. I totally understand that. But if you just like him and have NEVER talked to him, don't you dare pitch a fit when another girl has more courage than you and gets him first.
I mean seriously, what is this? First grade? No.
If a girl likes a guy that another girl likes then oh well. May the best girl win.
Because, if you think about it, it's the GUY who decides in the end. Unless you're some whore who goes and asks the guy out yourself.
So, on that note, yeah, I like him. Get. Over. It.

Connections

Connections
Yeah, to be honest it's a complete waste of time but you know what, might as well enjoy it while I can.
Before I know it, I'll be gone to college and I'll be wishing there was such things as connections.

The most fun I have in here is probably the fact that my best friend is in here with me and we just fool around...
You know, doing weird things because girls just wanna have fun.
Our fun consists of making sock puppets and taking random pictures of ourselves over and over....and over.
Oh, and we throw in a little bit of gossip here and there.

After three years of connections. it's probably been the place where most of the cool things happen during school...well, at least for me anyways.

Here are some pictures of how much fun we have in here....
P.S. We just spilled GERM-X....everywhere....
P.P.S. And marked the desk up with Sharpie....

You Get Me In My Weak Places.

(First off, let me just say that I hate just talking about my emotions like this. I feel so...vulnerable.)

I don't know what it is about you. I try to convince myself that I don't need you.
I don't need you. I really, honestly don't. I know you probably aren't worth my time. I know that I probably could do better. I know that you probably don't think about me the way I think about you.
However, there's that key word: probably.
I told everyone I was through. I even told you. I built up a wall of what I thought was steel so that you couldn't put your hooks into me again, but you came around and just crumbled it like it was made of feathers.

I don't know what it is about you.
Something about you is so addictive.
I just can't convince myself to let you go.
You're kinda like my personal drug. A day without you, I go crazy. A whole week, I'm in an insane asylum.

I may feel these things but it's not going to change anything.
You have your reasons and I know that once you convince yourself of something, it's set in stone. There's no changing it.

So, I guess this is really goodbye. I did everything I knew how to do in order to get you, even the extra-credit options. But that didn't seem to work.
I don't regret any of this because whats the point in regretting something when you know that during that time, its what you really wanted.
So, yes, I don't regret the time I spent on you.

I can honestly say that I did fall for you. I fell head over heels. I collected a couple of scratches on the way down but that was expected. I'll just do what I do every time; pretend like nothing happened. Cover the scars up and move on. I hope you find that one girl that'll make your days brighter, make you laugh a little louder, cause you to smile a little bigger, and live just a little bit better.

Boys Are Just Something Else.

Well, the thing that I'm about to write about is not from me. I found it on stumbleupon and I would have posted it on Facebook but the words were too small to read.

Girl - I wonder how boys feel when they're in love. Do they get butterflies? Do they have you on their mind 24/7? Do they wait for you to come online for hours? Do they smile at random times at the thought of you? Do they miss you all the time? Do they think about the smallest things you say?

Boy -  We boys don't get butterflies, we get fireworks. We don't have you on our mind 24/7, but we do have you on out hearts. Often, yes we wait for you to get online, sometimes simply even just being online makes our heart skip a beat, even if we don't talk. Whenever you talk to us, our face forms that half-smile; it means we are happy but are trying our hardest to not show it, and fail at hiding it. We do miss you all the time; granted, we'd spend all our time with you if possible. We don't think of the smallest things you say, we think of every word you say, panicking at every single word, trying to define what it really means, to read between the lines. But wait, there's more...

We would love you in a million ways. And once we start loving you there is no going back for us. No matter how hard we try we will always love a girl that has touched us. Us boys, when in love, will think of that girl first thing in the morning, and think of that girl last before we sleep at night. Whenever we see a couple, our thoughts immediately jump to that girl, and imagine that the couple was us. Every single detail about her is loved; the way she walks, talks, speaks. The sound of her voice. Her laughter. The sparkle in her eyes. Her shy smile. The way she dresses. That cute face she makes when she's asleep. And the way she says our names that our hearts just explode with mirth, a simple act that no one else can replicate. 

A boy in love with a girl is no simple thing, though ladies stereotype us guys as simple. A man in love is not simple. He will be unpredictable. He will be persistent, stubborn, and given the circumstances, if it means carrying you from one side of the world to the other to win your heart, a man in love would. He will be a martyr, giving his all and asking for almost none. He will show you how to appreciate the beauty of the world in a thousand ways, and then he will tell you how much he appreciates your beauty in a million ways. 

(A man in love is no simple thing.)

Well, with that said, boys are just something else...

La De Da De Da

Music - (n.) The art or science of combining vocal or instrumental sounds (or both) to produce beauty of form, harmony, and expression of emotion.
EXPRESSION OF EMOTION!
PRODUCE BEAUTY!
Yeah, I don't think that talking about bangin' a girl or getting drunk or telling someone to run faster than your bullet is beauty or harmony or any type of emotion that someone wants to listen to.
Come on guys.
Let's go way back to the old ages when people had only things like a piano and Mozart and Bach. That was real, genuine music.
Not some audio tuned piece of garbage that people booty dance to.

But I guess music does change over time.
We have so many genres nowadays: pop, rock, blues, country, jazz, classical, blue grass, alternative, techno, christian, gospel, and soooooo much more.
However, I just think that music is one of the most sacramental things we have in life and yet, we abuse it and mainly talk about sex.

Music should be special. If you think about it, each song that you listen to either stirs up an emotion inside of you or brings back memories or feelings that you might have felt when you had listened to that song for the first time.
When you listen to certain songs you start to feel the emotion that the song is portraying....
It's incredible that effect that music has on people.
It can also be your best friend.
I know its been mine in alot of times during my life.
So, thank you Music, for being there when no one else was....

Music can also be someone's life line. The reason that they hold onto life...

So, don't underestimate the power of music. There's a power behind it that no one can comprehend.
(The song I posted is my most favorite classical piece ever. I love you Beethoven.)

(And this other one, well, it just so happens to be my favorite song...ever...like, in the whole wide world. tehe)

That IT Factor

Vanity - (n.) Excessive pride in or admiration of one's own appearance or achievements.
Self-Esteem - (n.) Confidence in one's own worth or abilities; self-respect.
Yeah, you see the difference?

I'm pretty sure a lot of girls don't understand the difference.
I loathe AND envy all the girls who can just bluntly say that they are hot, or sexy, or gorgeous, or amazing, and mean it. And the worst part about it? Most of them are.
I can honestly say that on a scale of 1-10, my self esteem is -1.
Now, I don't want all the comments that say, "Aubrey! That's not true! Your gorgeous!"
Yeah, I've heard that way too many times. I don't think that I'm ugly but I most certainly do not have that IT factor that a lot of other girls have.

The IT Factor.
Know what that is?
It's the ability to stun boys with just one glance. You know, the ability to make them look at you again...and again...and again...It might be whore-ish but I mean, come on, what girl DOESN'T want that?

I know I do.

After being rejected three times in row by guys that I seriously liked...its amazing that I didn't just go and get plastic surgery.

So, here's to the girls who walk tall and proud with a face that says, "Yeah, I'm sexy and I know it."
And to the girls who walk...just walk...and say, "I guess I should have been more like her..."

(The song that I posted is really an amazing song. It hits you in all the right places. Listen to it. Might make you think about how you view and hold yourself.)

Zoom, Focus, Pose, Click, Flash, a Work of Art....

When I grow up I wanna be famous, I wanna be a star, I wanna be in movies... 

When I grow up I want to be an astronaut...When I grow up I want to be President...When I grow up I want to be a photographer...yeah...I like that.
When I grow up I want to be a photographer!

It's true, I absolutely adore taking pictures, especially of  models.So, yeah, I want to be a fashion magazine (Seventeen Magazine preferably) photographer...
That's. My. Dream. Job.

 So, in honor of my dream, here some of my most recent works. (:

Who Do You Think You Are?

 Dear Him,

First, I would like to say that if you are reading this then yes, I do consider you a stalker.
Second, you're a douche bag.
Third, I can say with total confidence that it's true, you missed out on the best thing that could have EVER happened to you.
Fourth, I realized that yes, it is possible for a girl to have her heart broken by a guy who she never even dated.
Fifth, I can honestly say that the worst feeling in the world is falling for your best friend and knowing that they will never feel that way.

Who do you think you are? Treating me like a piece of sh*t?  After EVERYTHING I did for you? After I stood by you for years, became your best friend, watched you be hurt by a girl who made you cry yourself to sleep every night, after knowing you better than anyone?
You claim that being a d*ck to me will make me stronger? Uh, excuse me, I'm pretty sure that I am a person and that I deserve some respect.
But, I can't say much because I never said anything about it. You know why? Because I cared so much about you that I thought you would get mad if I tried to argue.

I cried over you. CRIED! And let it be known that I've never done that before. You were and hopefully still are my best friend. But, being your best friend killed me softly. Oh wait, you never stopped to notice did you? Nope. Why not? You. Didn't. Care.
You say you never care about anything or anyone but just you wait, when you FINALLY come to realize that you DID care and notice how amazing we could have been together, it won't matter because I'll be with the guy that always knew...
So get over yourself and stop collecting your jar of hearts.
Sincerely, Her

A Hopeless Romantic...

You know, I always, ALWAYS, thought he was different. 

I thought he was my knight in shining armor that would sweep me off my feet. . .

I was so wrong.

I guess some guys can just slap you across the face and make you realize that fairy-tales don't exist. . .

Fairy-tales are only TALES; they do not exist.

Its almost as if guys like it when we cry and fall head over heels for them when they know they won't catch us. The thought never even crossed their mind. . .

They're like, addicted to breaking hearts. When they do it once, they'll do it again, and again, and again.

Men are just savage animals looking for a girl to get attention from . . . that's all they are really.

Girls just underestimate how much it really hurts.

I did.

I think at some point I loved him.

But I know that he never reached that point.
Girls are just so easy to hook. Once a guy is deep enough, they can just rip us to shreds without any of us trying to defend ourselves.
And you know why?

Because we care too much and there's nothing we can do about it. 

All photos taken by Aubrey (Me) (:
Unless stated otherwise.

1st and 4th

School; (n.) An institution for educating children AKA Seven Crappy Hours Of Our Lives...

I mean really.

If you think about it, when is school ever fun? Well, if you are me, it's during 1st and 4th period.

1ST PERIOD:

Mrs. Puckett's english class. . .

There is a lot I could say about this class. First, it has my best friend in it therefore we NEVER get anything done. And you know, that's alright. That just means we have to work our butts off during the weekend. Again I say that that's alright.

This class is also one of the toughest ones I've had yet but I'm no whiner, just simply stating a fact.

I do want to be an English major when I graduate so therefore, I find English class quite fun, It's also my favorite subject. Hence my starting a blog.

4TH PERIOD:
Band.
My life.
Literally.
Without band, I don't think I'd be doing anything in highschool.
I love it so much.
The kids that are in it are my family. We laugh together, cry together, hurt together, smile together, and just support each other.
We know everything about everyone.
We're like one person moving together.
Once a band kid, always a band kid...

Oh How Original...

Dear Diary...


No, no. I solemnly swear that I shall not start ANY of my posts like that. Because what am I? An eleven year old girl that kisses her Justin Bieber cardboard cut-out every night before bed? No, on the contrary, I'm a mature yet slightly crazy teenage girl with raging hormones, dreams, fairy-tales, faults, talents, best friends, enemies, etc. etc. So you see, I'm not really different of any of you other teenagers out there.
Now, I guess this is the part where I let you in on all the background information about myself: 

1. Hi, hello there. My name is Hannah Aubrey. 
2. I'm currently 17 years of age.
3. I twirl flags. You know, like in the half-time shows during football games with the thing called 'Marching Band'. Ever stopped to watch a half-time show? No? Hm, why am I not shocked. Well, you should sometime.
4. I don't really like girly things. At. All.
5. I want to go to the Moon before I die.
6. My favorite song is Hero/Heroine by Boys Like Girls
7. Mario Cart for Wii; yeah, i'mma beast. 
8. I love Jesus yes I do! I love Jesus how 'bout you?
9. My favorite thing to wear year round are shorts.
10. I'd probably risk my life for my camera. Intense? Tell me about it.

Alright, seeing as though it is approximately 11:14:33 PM, my appointment with the Sandman is quit near.
So, ta ta for now oh good world of blogger.com. Ta Ta For Now...