Life is Finally Here

Fall semester is coming to a close...
I graduate in less than 5 months...
I'm scared...
Don't know what I'm doing..
But yet, I sit here day after day after day and try and try to convince myself that I've got this whole "life" thing figured out.

You know, that whole story you tell yourself: I'll graduate high school, get a job, get accepted to a college or university, graduate again, get a better job, make boat-loads of money, get married, then die happily with at least four grandchildren. But you know, myself making my own plans never turn out the way I want.

Yes, I'll admit it. I've strayed too far from God than I planned...
Why? I thought I had everything figured out. I bottled up all my problems, pain, confusion, fear and so on, just to find out that later that in the most inconvenient time, it would just explode everywhere and not just effect me but the people I care most about. Getting caught up in the waves of society can be a dangerous thing especially when you don't have anything to lean on.

The reality of me becoming an adult in less than a year is quite frightening. I like to look back to when I was 13 and 14 and remember when I use to fantasize about leaving and having my own life. But now that that time is finally here, I wish more than anything I could still be that care-free 13 year old with no problems except for the occasional pimple or boy drama. I know that I was only a freshman four years ago but I can totally see how naive and  ignorant I really was.

I guess the hardest thing to comprehend is the fact that I'll more than likely loss more than two-thirds of the people I grew up with...
But, that is where God comes in. However, I'm not gonna beat around the bush or sugar-coat anything - us girls like to talk...alot. Yes, God listens and talks....but, it's just hard to comprehend...
I like someone to be there with me and to give me an occasional hug and stuff. I love those midnight conversations...God is great for a listener but it's hard to have a full-on conversation...
Guess I'll have to work on that...