The Year 2011: part uno

Before I start my little summary (i've decided to add ONE status from facebook and picture that corresponds to that month) all i have to say is "shut the front door! it's over already?! gosh dang it."
I remember EXACTLY what i was doing January 1, 2011. My, my, time flies...
Anywho, let's begin shall we?

January:
Emily's birthday. Ha, stolen rice and netflix movies. Yeah, let's not get into that story.
There was also some nasty wine that i had during that month. I think i'd rather shoot the whiskey. (;

dear 2011,
please be prepared to be a heck of a lot more amazing than 2010.
sincerely, aubrey.

 It's really not a lot of food if you ask me.
Hey, don't be hating. A girl needs her fries and soda. 

February:

Ah, fun youth group memories. (:
Oh! and the anniversary of me and my EX boyfriend's one year. Sad? Nah, not really. (I know, I know. I'mma beee-otch)
Let's see, what else....hm, well, i remember getting first place in a guard competition. That was fun right? Yeah, sure.
And that's about it. February was a dull month honestly.

"I love storms, congested hallways, screaming freshman and sudden death. It just makes my day. *sarcasm intended*"

 Je t'aime mon cheri

March:
Oooooohhhhh, march. Lovely, lovely march. The month I broke up with my first boyfriend. Quite an experience i must say.
And the month that i can honestly say i had feeling for someone else. Well, make that TWO other people. Don't give me that look. We've all been there.
Still lots of winter guard during that month. :P
Oh and prom drama was starting. Ew, gross. -.-

"you and i walk a fragile line and i never thought i'd live to see it break..."

 Guard is seriously my life. Call me crazy, but i have no idea what i would do without it.

April:

Oh lord, prom. Gosh, i don't even want to think about that dreaded time. Okay, okay, it wasn't that bad but it's definitely a time i wish i could go and re-do. Oh well, i can never regret something i once really wanted at one time.

The tornado; that was a really scary time not only for me, but for just about everyone in Cleveland. I remember hanging out in my basement for the longest time and then coming out to see a disaster field. I kinda had felt like i was in the middle of one of those action movies. 

School clean up day. My connections group went to freaking Deer Park. Gay? Yeah, i know. We shoveled wood chips for at least two hours...in the rain. Yay us? Oh well, i'm not gonna lie and say that I didn't have fun. It was some definite bonding time for me and my "classmates"

SAPA Winter Guard Championships. THAT was a fun trip even though we came in fourth. In my opinion we didn't even deserve fourth but it was a very emotional time for some people. (;

LOTS of boy drama too. I don't even wanna mention the name. -.- Let's just say i'm glad it's over and done with.

"i have never been more thankful for electricity in my entire life. this tornado has really helped me see the other side of reality..."

 hey now, you gotta admit, we're the coolest band kids ever. (;

Life is Finally Here

Fall semester is coming to a close...
I graduate in less than 5 months...
I'm scared...
Don't know what I'm doing..
But yet, I sit here day after day after day and try and try to convince myself that I've got this whole "life" thing figured out.

You know, that whole story you tell yourself: I'll graduate high school, get a job, get accepted to a college or university, graduate again, get a better job, make boat-loads of money, get married, then die happily with at least four grandchildren. But you know, myself making my own plans never turn out the way I want.

Yes, I'll admit it. I've strayed too far from God than I planned...
Why? I thought I had everything figured out. I bottled up all my problems, pain, confusion, fear and so on, just to find out that later that in the most inconvenient time, it would just explode everywhere and not just effect me but the people I care most about. Getting caught up in the waves of society can be a dangerous thing especially when you don't have anything to lean on.

The reality of me becoming an adult in less than a year is quite frightening. I like to look back to when I was 13 and 14 and remember when I use to fantasize about leaving and having my own life. But now that that time is finally here, I wish more than anything I could still be that care-free 13 year old with no problems except for the occasional pimple or boy drama. I know that I was only a freshman four years ago but I can totally see how naive and  ignorant I really was.

I guess the hardest thing to comprehend is the fact that I'll more than likely loss more than two-thirds of the people I grew up with...
But, that is where God comes in. However, I'm not gonna beat around the bush or sugar-coat anything - us girls like to talk...alot. Yes, God listens and talks....but, it's just hard to comprehend...
I like someone to be there with me and to give me an occasional hug and stuff. I love those midnight conversations...God is great for a listener but it's hard to have a full-on conversation...
Guess I'll have to work on that...

Tell Me Why.

What. The. Hell?
I mean seriously man, what is going on? You don't have the decency to just TELL me what you're feeling? I thought you were supposed to be a man? Not my eight year old brother who pitches a fit and sits in a corner for the rest of the day.
But you know, two can play at this game. You go and sit in your corner and be a loner and I'll go sit in my box that magically gets bigger on the inside. Yeah, try and beat that loser.
I'm sick and tired of this game. Either you're all in or you sit out...for the rest of the game a.k.a my LIFE. There is no cheating allowed because if you do, i will find out and i will chop your testicles off before you can say "hey now."

Now, this all may be my fault. Maybe i am too nice to you..i don't know. But i can say that i am getting tired of this routine...very fast.
Everytime you want to fall, apparently something gets in your way. But you know what, that's the risk you take when you want to love someone. Yes, there will always be obstacles but that is what makes the ride unforgettable...
I won't lie and say that I haven't had my doubts either but you know what? Sometimes it's smarter to not listen to the logic going through your head. Your heart has a say as well.
Don't toss your heart to the side like garbage, he's smart too you know. Sometimes he know's whats best for you...but only sometimes.

So, in the end, your conclusion is either you do what you know you want, or you come up with all the reasons you shouldn't do what you want. And honestly, what reason's are there? Except the fact of knowing that there might be possible heartbreak...
But that's the risk you take when you love someone...
And if you love that person...how big is the chance of having heartbreak?
Pretty slim dontcha think?

Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum

So, Emily got me started on this...
Friends are the MOST important thing in my life. More important than music, my camera, even my grades.
*INTERMISSION* (this allows all people to gasp in horror for as long as they want)


Anyways, now that that's out of the way...
Ahem, as I was saying, friends are so important to me. Like seriously.
But my BEST friends...well, they are more like a brother or sister to me. I'd seriously take a bullet for them. I sometimes get way to overprotective, but hey, mess with my girl/boy, I'll mess with your face. Haha...but no, seriously.
So, listed below are my BEST friends. The ones that I could trust my life with. Now, if you get me to trust you with my life, congratulations, you've accomplished something that is very hard to do. (;
(Granted, I do have alot of friends, but only a selective few who i'd call my best...)
(And also, friends come and go...I had some friends, you know, that I would have called my best....but times change and people change...can't hate Mother Nature for that.)

Brittany 
Gosh, I remember the first time her and I met; i hated her. Loathed her.
I don't really know why to be honest, I guess it was the fact that she was in guard and I wasn't...Hmm, who really knows.
All I know is that one year, for a youth trip, we were forced to room together and I can tell you what, I'm so happy we were.
We got a lot closer during guard; after I joined sophomore year. I could and still can tell her just about everything. (:
I miss her so much but with technology nowadays, we video chat as much as possible. (:
Despite her being away at college she's still my bestfriend.
Miss you baby girl.

Emily
Gosh, the way we met was weird to be honest.
After working out in an aerobics room all hot and sweaty. Yeah, totally the best start of a friendship ever.
Well, I remember when my coach first started talking about her. She sounded pretty cool. Someone that I might like.
And turns out, she was. (:
I thought she was really really quiet. HA, WRRROOONNNGGG.
However, my thoughts about her being super smart weren't wrong. Who makes a 35 on the ACT the first time after going to a party the NIGHT BEFORE?!?!?! Who does that? Sheesh.
So, the bottom line is that she is pretty amazing.
Not gonna lie.
I Love You to the moon and back....3 times.

Andrea
So, she's a super science genius. Like mad scientist genius. No lie.
However, she is pretty amazing. I love her.
She always listens. Never interrupts.
Probably the best listener I know and that's why I love her.
Granted, we weren't very close till this year, senior year but it's not the years that make someone a best friend.
There isn't a thing Andrea probably doesn't know about my school drama. She's just so good at handling it.
We are attached at the hip. All. The. Time.
I Love You! (:

On That Note

First off, let me say that I cannot stand complaining; like me myself complaining about my life. I know that no one cares. I mean, people say that they care but in reality it’s every man for himself.
However, a person is a person so they have to vent somehow or else it’ll all just boil over.
I used to just boil over all the time. I never talked and still don’t talk about my feelings to other people. Why? No. One. Cares.
I had to find that out the hard way.
The Hard Way: - Letting your guard down to someone who you think you can trust; ending up trusting them with your life; they throw your life away in the garbage like an empty soda bottle; the reason you can’t trust anyone anymore.
So yeah, the hard way.
But, anyways, my blog is the only place I can vent. So what if no one reads it. It wasn’t really made for the general public anyways. It was made for me and my feelings so get over it.

Boys:
Yeah, girls talk about boys. No, it does not mean we are whores, sluts, pussies, complainers, fickle, emotional, or any of that other shit boys stereotype us as. We just talk about that stupid gender all the time because they. are. so. friggin'. annoying.
And you know why? Because they can take our hearts and emotions and mold them, crush them, stomp on them, spit on them, steal them, or even by some Godly miracle, cherish them.
Being a senior in high school, I've come a long way and have learned a lot about the teenage boy.
Teenage boy: (n.) A bundle of sex hormones poorly disguised as a human being; does moronic immature actions with hormones so thick in their blood you can practically smell them and oblivious to the world around him; perverts obsessed with video games, sex, and beef jerky.....yeah, you get the point.
Anyways, the bottom line is that even though they are all of those things mentioned above, us girls wear our hearts on our sleeves and walk around with a neon sign flashing, "FREE TO ANY HOT, CUTE AND FUNNY GUYS."
Granted, you do have those certain girls who don't do that. But nevertheless, they are still swooned by the stupid creature called Boy.
Now, me personally, hell yeah I like a guy. Not a whole lot mind you, but I like him. I'd love for him to ask me out. But a girl can dream.
Also, let me make it known to all the girls out there reading this, YOU. CAN. NOT. OWN. A. GUY! You cannot call dibs on a human being.
Unless, your relationship with him is facebook official. But I also understand that if a girl has liked a guy AND has been talking to him for a long time gets mad at another girl for flirting with her guy. I totally understand that. But if you just like him and have NEVER talked to him, don't you dare pitch a fit when another girl has more courage than you and gets him first.
I mean seriously, what is this? First grade? No.
If a girl likes a guy that another girl likes then oh well. May the best girl win.
Because, if you think about it, it's the GUY who decides in the end. Unless you're some whore who goes and asks the guy out yourself.
So, on that note, yeah, I like him. Get. Over. It.

Connections

Connections
Yeah, to be honest it's a complete waste of time but you know what, might as well enjoy it while I can.
Before I know it, I'll be gone to college and I'll be wishing there was such things as connections.

The most fun I have in here is probably the fact that my best friend is in here with me and we just fool around...
You know, doing weird things because girls just wanna have fun.
Our fun consists of making sock puppets and taking random pictures of ourselves over and over....and over.
Oh, and we throw in a little bit of gossip here and there.

After three years of connections. it's probably been the place where most of the cool things happen during school...well, at least for me anyways.

Here are some pictures of how much fun we have in here....
P.S. We just spilled GERM-X....everywhere....
P.P.S. And marked the desk up with Sharpie....

You Get Me In My Weak Places.

(First off, let me just say that I hate just talking about my emotions like this. I feel so...vulnerable.)

I don't know what it is about you. I try to convince myself that I don't need you.
I don't need you. I really, honestly don't. I know you probably aren't worth my time. I know that I probably could do better. I know that you probably don't think about me the way I think about you.
However, there's that key word: probably.
I told everyone I was through. I even told you. I built up a wall of what I thought was steel so that you couldn't put your hooks into me again, but you came around and just crumbled it like it was made of feathers.

I don't know what it is about you.
Something about you is so addictive.
I just can't convince myself to let you go.
You're kinda like my personal drug. A day without you, I go crazy. A whole week, I'm in an insane asylum.

I may feel these things but it's not going to change anything.
You have your reasons and I know that once you convince yourself of something, it's set in stone. There's no changing it.

So, I guess this is really goodbye. I did everything I knew how to do in order to get you, even the extra-credit options. But that didn't seem to work.
I don't regret any of this because whats the point in regretting something when you know that during that time, its what you really wanted.
So, yes, I don't regret the time I spent on you.

I can honestly say that I did fall for you. I fell head over heels. I collected a couple of scratches on the way down but that was expected. I'll just do what I do every time; pretend like nothing happened. Cover the scars up and move on. I hope you find that one girl that'll make your days brighter, make you laugh a little louder, cause you to smile a little bigger, and live just a little bit better.